Repairing Bridges

In this blog, I have written of what I believe to be an imperative for Unitarian Universalists – an imperative to embrace pacifism as the true expression of our stated values of, “the inherent worth and dignity of every person;” and “respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.” By embracing this imperative, I believe we can become a real force in our society for peace, justice, and the realization of the Beloved Community. In my writings, I have tried to make the case for this imperative in terms of international relations, war, diplomacy, and peace on the world stage. What I am coming to understand is that there are many dimensions to embracing a conviction of peace and that to advance the cause of peace in the larger world; one must also embrace it in one’s own life and in one’s relations with others.

-

Now I understood this personal dimension of peace in my head but I am not sure I understood it in my heart. I first began to really think about it during a Quaker Meeting I attended recently during which one of the Friends stood up and spoke of the necessity of finding inner peace in order to advance the cause of peace in the larger world. This was a dimension of the Quaker Peace Testimony to which I had not given much thought. I guess I had a misconception that the Quaker Peace Testimony was like being part of some big social action committee that worked for peace in the world. Of course, on reflection, this was a silly misconception. What I think the Peace Testimony really means is bearing witness to peace within ourselves, within our families, among our friends, in our communities, and in the wider world. Quoting from a Quaker Home Service pamphlet [i]:

-

On the simplest level, “testimony” means “bearing witness” and Friends’ long heritage of witnessing to peace can be found in their refusal to bear arms in times of civil and international conflict, in acts of prophetic confrontation and of quiet, reconciling diplomacy. But these acts are merely outward and visible signs of inward conviction. This conviction springs from a living Spirit, mediated through the human experience of those trying to understand and follow its leadings. It grows afresh in every worshipping group, in every generation.

-

At the heart of this conviction is Friends’ experience that there is something of God, the seed of the Spirit, in all people. Quakers believe that more can be accomplished by appealing to this capacity for love and goodness than can be hoped for by threatening punishment or retaliation if people act badly...

-

...The peace testimony is not something Quakers take down from a shelf and dust off only in wartime or in times of personal or political crisis. Living out a witness to peace has to do with everyday choices about the work we do, the relationships we build, what part we take in politics, what we buy, how we raise our children. It is a matter of fostering relationships and structures, from personal to international, which are strong and healthy.

-

This past week, I had two experiences which helped make these ideas more than just words for me. I reconnected with two friends to whom I had almost burnt all my bridges because of feelings of hurt and anger. In the first instance, I reconnected with someone who had been a dear friend 26 years ago when we were college students together. I had been hurt not long after graduation when we stopped writing to each other (the Navy had taken me to the West Coast, far from where this person was living). This small hurt had stayed with me all these years and I guess I had always wanted to reconnect with this person who had meant a lot to me. Just this past week we did reconnect, we did speak candidly to each other, we did recall our friendship with fond memories and good feelings, and, I hope, by talking about our lives since, reminded each other of why we had become friends in the first place. For me, the hurt disappeared and I was once again at peace with someone who had been very important to me.

-

This experience led me to realize that I was burning a bridge to another person, one with whom I had forged a more recent friendship out of shared experiences working for something we both feel passionately about. With all things of this nature, the dreams born of one’s passions often are not fully realized. I have been unhappy and angry about that and I was taking those feelings out on my friend – blaming my friend for disappointments that were no one’s fault. Realizing this, I told my friend I was sorry – asking forgiveness for the hurt I had caused. In so doing, once again, my own anger and hurt disappeared and I felt at peace with someone with whom I had a valued relationship.

-

If you have gotten this far, you are probably thinking, “Did it take you nearly 50 years of life to figure out the importance of individual peacemaking?” Perhaps it has, reminding me once again that I am not as smart as I thought I was. As one who wants to see humanity end war, however, I am coming to realize in my heart that to begin to do that we also need to end all the little wars we fight with each other. These two people taught me that lesson this week. I will be forever grateful to them for that lesson and for helping me find a little inner peace.

-
[i] Leavitt, Mary Lou (1989). Quaker Peace Testimony. Quaker Home Service, London Yearly Meeting of the Society of Friends.